albert@work

End of another mentoring year

2009-11-20T14:03:00.002+08:00

It has been many years in mentoring.
From being a mentor to being a teacher-in-charge of the programme, there is many to learn.
As a mentor, it is really just quite simple. To turn up every Saturday and to think of some games once in a while, and then to learn how to engage with the mentees.
As a teacher-in-charge, there are preparatory work, there need to be interactions with the mentors as well as the mentees. Most importantly, on top of all the work that need to be done, there must be much much more metta (loving-kindness, or goodwill), much much more karuna (compassion). It is no more about affecting and inspiring only the mentees, it is about the mentors as well. Trying to develop their global outlook of life towards others, setting a good example for them to emulate so that the programme truly develops everyone!

And this year, I believe I have been quite successful in doing these.

Each Saturday, I would go for the sessions with goodwill, with compassion, with sympathetic joy. And with these thoughts, I guess my actions and speech follow, and the mentors and mentees can feel it. As such, everybody is at ease with each other, caring for each other, striving for each other. In the end, everybody is happy. This outcome is the most important for all voluntary work. This way, everybody will continue to look forward towards making the future of the programme.

By these meritorious thoughts and deeds,
May all be well, happy and peaceful.

Opening the mind

2009-02-08T10:18:00.002+08:00

A trip and an intense November-December makes me realise again why and how I came about with wanting to do more for people and environment. It's the nature. When you see the plains and fields, the heart opens. When your horizon is not blocked by the wall, your heart opens, when the wind blows on your hair and the dust settles on your face, it opens your heart. So the world is not just about you, them, and I. It's about us and all of us. A circle that everyone is drawing and must draw. And so we help each other to be more clear-minded, to be more mindful of ourselves and beyond. With that, we reflect on our daily activities and re-think their purpose.
So we do our bit for others, not so that we may gain; but so that they may also gain. Then it makes our existence more meaningful and truthful.

Life and metta

2008-10-17T22:37:00.005+08:00

It's been a long time...
And there's an unfinished draft. It's October now, and it's more than half over. So many things happened between the last post and now. Incredible lot.

Work, relationship, family..
There's always a bugging question that once in a few years will come up: What is the meaning of life?
You see, without knowing the answer to this question, there is no purpose in everyday that we wake up. It also implies that the things we do are done for nothing. No matter how important we can rate it, it's just alright to not have, not done. For a long time, it's my dream that I shall retreat into nature, farm will be good, and do things for the community. Perhaps my life hasn't had times when I had to struggle to fill my stomach, so I can't appreciate the importance of securing the stomach factor. But many people nowadays don't struggle to fill the stomach. They want to fill the pockets that have no known depths, the mind that has no quiet space, the senses that have no mindfulness of the present. Inadvertantly, all of us, including I, start to live that life that the society have collectively entrenched on our conciousness. Must have a job to have an income, have to climb the social ladder, have to have a gf and then wife, children, have to have self satisfaction/fulfillment, have to have ambitions (not dreams, goals also not good enough), have to play alot, have to travel to see the many different scenes and taste their food, etc etc..
I'm in the society, living other's expectations. But I'm different, as with everybody tries to, too. I will do things differently. I'm a skeptic, I'm a hiong kah. As far as possible, I don't care what people think of me as long as what I do is logical and gets to the same destination. But it's not easy.. because, to participate in this society, one have to be subjected to its scrutiny and checks and tongues. Tongues, especially, are the worst.

But I think the bottom line, no matter what, is that we should know that kamma will return, that's the order of nature. If the mind is firm and honourable, let not the currents of our cranial juices disrupt our traquility and peace. That would be suffering through the mind door.

May I be free from enmity;
May I be free from mental suffering;
May I be free from physical suffering;
May I take care of myself happily.

May my parents, relatives, friends, teachers, guardian angel, all beings,
May they be free from enmity;
May all they be free from mental suffering;
May all they be free from physical suffering;
May all take care of themselves happily.

Wish everyone a happy and peaceful sleep.

Mindfulness

2008-07-31T23:01:00.000+08:00

I did a glance back at my previous posts and saw Ru's comments about my disgruntlement of meaningless life. But now I'm quite happy that I had them. I'm at least still mindful of them.

The last school holiday was spent very meaningfully. There's the CFA exam, swim trainings, and the meditation retreat.

It's been a long long time since I did something as intense as the CFA exam offers, 3+3 hours of exam. The kind of concentration required! Oh my god, even failing, to be able to finish it gave a great sense of satisfaction! It's great! I'm sure I can pass level 1 and on to 2 and 3 eventually!

Meditation retreat is the highlight of June 2008. On Vesak Day, Darling's Dad brought us to Santisukarama at Kota Tinggi. Events followed that Sayadaw U Rajinda will be holding a meditation retreat there from 19 June. Sayadaw U Rajinda was the one who instructed Brandon, Zf, Raymond, and me on Vipassana meditation more than 2 years ago at KMSPKS. This is really fate, that all the years that I wanted to be a samanera was never realised; but a place I've never been will be the place my fate with Sayadaw will cross again. No, I did not become a samanera, but a yogi to practice Vipassana meditation.

I feel inclined to relate my 6-day experience so that everybody will be able to understand my elation and have a chance of benefitting.

My prior proper experience of meditation was 儒家静坐. That was based on qigong. It was not that difficult to keep the mind concentrated on the acupoints and shift my focus, hence the ‘气’, from one acupoint to another. In contrast, I didn't really understand Vipassana even though we had the weekly sometimes irregularly attended classes at KMS.

In the retreat, I spent the first 2 days trying to 'note' during meditation by controlling my movements, eg. noting 'left'= move left leg; noting 'right'= move right leg. It was all very controlled and I felt like a robot. In order to be as 'mindful' as possible, I examined the mechanics of how our legs step forward and how we maintain our balance. I broke down the 1 full step to a few classification and started 'noting', or actually ordering, my legs to move. After a while, I can do that quite fast. Somehow I know I'm wrong, this can't be what meditation should be like. It's not aligned to any principle of meditation I know, although I had no idea how to do vipassana meditation properly. The meditation alternated between walking and sitting. When sitting, one should note the rising and falling of the abdomen. I could do that very well all along too, watching the dan tian. But, like my walking, I'm actually ordering/commanding the rising and falling. There was no peace of mind. I felt perturbed. To make things worse, there's a pain at my back everytime I started to sit. So bad, noting it was futile, let alone noting it away. That prevented me from sitting straight and kept needing to bend. So I cannot 'walk' properly, neither can I 'sit' properly to note. Very bad.

While I'm doing all these 'meditation', I'm surprised at the volunteers' care for us. Food will be prepared, we just had to eat and we don't even have to clear up the table, much less wash the plates. And the food was aplenty! Good, tasty food! I'm really surprised. In the evening, Sayadaw would say that doing Vipassana meditation is meritorious, and that we should also try to be mindful in our movements during daily activties.

- I totally don't understand-

How can sitting down and meditating be an act of merit? And now we should even try to be mindful in our daily acticities. I think we are not deserving of the food kindly served to us. At one point, when the bell sounded for food, I lamented. I have to suck on Earth's resources again.. without any contribution..

I thanked the people who dana our food, the aunties who prepared the wonderful food to lay the whole table, the people who transported the food, the people who invented the machines to process the food, the farmers, the plants, the animals who allowed us their body for sustenance. As a poster put it, the whole universe came together to support our sustenance. O, how great is the spoonful of food! I try to be mindful in chewing and swallowing. But come my meditation, I know I have wasted their efforts and the spoonful of good food.

I told Sayadaw about the pain during the first interview, he asked me to try. I did so for another 2 days. Frustrations started to brew. I totally don't get it, yet I should try to understand and practice it! Everybody is doing it. In my frustration, I wonder how many of the fellow yogis really meditate mindfully and diligently. People seems to be moving slowly just because everybody else were.

I went up to the dhamma hall and sat facing the buddha. I thought through my whole experience with meditation and why I wanted to be there for meditation. Every evening, the Sayadaw would say that only through meditation can one see the realities and attain nibhana. I thought to myself, I don't want any nibhana, I just want to meditate peacefully and seek the clarity of mind I used to have.

Later, I went downstairs and sat down to try meditating again. It was the same gradual bending of back and I couldn't sense the rising and falling of abdomen properly. Sitting cross-legged, my body was bent, head dropped, half asleep in my wandering mind state.

Ah.. this the is the 3rd session of drafting this post. Yes, I didn't understand nibhana, and I'm not meditating to attain nibhana. But then, I didn't know what I'm meditating for, anyway. So I went up to the dhamma hall on the Tuesday afternoon and prostrated myself in front of the Buddha. My mind was not in a clear state, so I tried to clear the clouds and willed myself to think back to all my experience associated with meditation. I decided that the aim of this meditation trip shall be to regain the focus that I had in my younger age. I remembered Zf telling me that after Inspirafluenza, he felt that he was able to concentrate his mind better. I understands what he meant, but I couldn't find that experience for myself to achieve the same. I some times wonder how people can focus themselves so intensely, so much so that they can handle so much work within the same 24hours. I can't. So it was, I went down to the meditation hall to try to condense my concentration. I sat down straight away, forgoing the walking. The pain at the back came on again, slowly, I lost track of my breathing, back arched, I'm nowhere. Neither sleeping nor awake, just nowhere. Suddenly, the rising and falling of my abdomen came very strongly, very strongly. I regained my consciousness and began to focus on it. I directed this focus on the pain at my back. I examined the pain, as the sensation rises with my inhale and falls with my exhales. It reduced, but never away. Soon, and finally, my leg became numb. It was a feeling not had in the past few days. I never sat till the onset of numbness.It was easy to 'note' the numbness away. It rose and fell. Then I realaised. Everything is just rising and falling. Everything. Things rise, things fall; thoughts rise, thoughts fall. Nothing more, nothing less. It is just a matter of taking different lengths of time to rise and fall. And so it is.

The thought of the sitting meditation ending has arisen, and so it manifests. As soon as it manifests, the thought falls, for it has completed it's effect. The thought of thanking the Buddha arose, and three respectful prostrations were made. Next, the sensation of thirst, and as soon as the mouth touched water, the sensation of thirst falls. It is the same observation, all the way to and back from the toilet. I was very happy. I contemplated going to see Sayadaw to tell him about it, but I thought I'll save it for the next day,w hen we'll have the interview. I continued to observe this phenomenon, appreciating it. Some time after, this observation faded away. There's no way, nor need to force it to lengthen. It is Buddha's compassion and way of letting me understand nature. The pain in my back did not go away as night falls. I sat in the dhamma hall again, awaiting Sayadaw's dhamma talk and chanting to transfer our merits. It was a rewarding day and I retreated into the room.

The next morning, I began with enthusiasm to replicate the previous day's experience. With alot of effort, my mind could not calm down. I still did not know how to do walking meditation, the pain still haggers.Breakfast was quite an agony as my frustration grew. Again I'm sucking on Earth's resources while being noble about it. Everybody is trying to be mindful and I doubt again if half of them really are, or just slowing down in an act, annealing to the prevailing social norm.

The time came for the interview. I have not decided what to tell the Sayadaw when he gently ask 'How's your meditation?' I decided that I shall just report my experience as it is. When it came to my turn, my emotions swelled up. I started to choke on my words as I described the pain on my back and inability to sit straight.The lying down on the floor to ease off the pain, but it never goes away. The observation of the rising and falling but not again comes the next day. Sayadaw watched me as his face also crumpled up, as if following my frustration and agony. After a pause of 30 seconds, he spoke, 'Relax your minnd. Try to sit upright, but no need to be very stiff. Relax.' As if his words were carried by the breeze, the breeze sat me upright but took the pain away.As if magically, I could now sit upright, not the stiffness that I was trying to sit myself. And my mind opened up. No more shrouded in frustation.I felt relieved. I guess the other yogis in the room must have felt quite stunned, but I'm grateful that I spoke my experience as it was. There was finally some peace.

Yogis are not supposed to talk, we had to observe noble silence. But there were two uncles who were quite 'talkative'. They had invited me to join them over evening juice the previous day. One of them said, as we walked down from the dhamma hall, 'Oh, new one, don't worry. Come, we'll have a talk after lunch. I'll explain some Dhamma to you. I'll tell you the difference between Mahayanan and Theravadan. See you at the Sima hall later'. I had asked the difference the previous day. He had a really cheerful disposition. I thanked him. It started to rain.

I still did not know how to do walking meditation, but I guess it is really time to relax my mind, so walked up and down the corridor, not knowing how to 'walk', but I walked my own pace.

Aftger lunch, the fellow yogi uncle suggested that we talk in my room instead, since it's raining. I stayed in a separate room from the rest. The room is usually reserved for bikkhus, but Sister Sam let me have it. The rest sleeps on the floor in the other room, me on a bed. I realised that the 'highness' of resting place is accorded to practioner of different seniority. I've been greatly flattered. The uncle introduced that since we got to know each other through Buddhism, we shall be known as dhamma friends. He gave a brief history of Buddhism and the spread of it through time and land. As time passes, two broad sects appeared. Practices in the Northen region of Asia- China, Japan, Korea largely practises the Mahayanan; while the South- Burma, Thailand largely practices the Theravadan (also called 'the way of the elders'). Mahayanan is influenced more greatly by Confucianism and politics; while Theravadan practises Buddhism more in accordance to the teachings instructed by the Buddha to his disciples. Mahayanan focuses more on chanting; Theravadan on meditation to attain nibhana. According to the Buddha, all of us are in Samsara, cycling in the 6 realms in sufferings. The Buddha realises through deep meditation that the only way out of Samsara is to practice the noble eightfold path so that we can realise the four noble truth and attain nibhana.In order to gain the realisation of the four noble truth, Buddha says that the only way is to practice meditation. He also explained the four levels of sainthood- 7 returner, 1 returner, and so forth.

Everything makes sense to me now. To practice meditation in a retreat is a great merit. And people who assist or dana bikkhus and yogis are also creating very wholesome karma. Indeed, to be or assist others in the path towards nibhana is a wholesome deed. Together with the Dhamma uncle's explanation the day before about past kamma affecting our affinity with Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha in our present lifetime, I realised that this is a time to make full use of and to cherish to practice meditation.It is not in conflict with my thought that I don't wish to attain nibhana. I have my parents, I have my love ones whom I do not want to renounce. But I can still practice meditation and work towards nibhana, because I can practice to be a 7-returner or 1-returner. My other lives will take care of itself when the time is ripe. With these, my mind is at ease as the questions are answered. I asked Dhamma uncle how to note the rising and falling of abdomen. He demonstrated his observation of the rising and falling as he is talking to me. It is an observation.

The only question left is how to do walking meditation.

That afternoon, during juice time, the other Dhamma uncle tried to explain walking meditation to me, after seeing me walking my own pace. He tried to explain walking mindfully this way: Imagine my baby is sleeping very soundly in the room and the floor makes creaky noises when one walks upon them. In order not to wake my baby up, I'll have to walk mindfully to minimise the noise. I see.. 'So should I control my walking?' 'You shouldn't control, you observe, but you also have to control abit, so that you will slow down enough to 'note'.' Ah, I fully understood now.

After juice, I applied myself to walking meditation, lengthening the periods, practicing patience and effort, concentration, mindfully. The noble eightfold path makes sense to me now. From 1 step to 2-step, 3-step, 4-step, even 5-step walking meditation. Every step of the walk is very clear to me as I noted them. Then standing meditation, sitting meditation. Sitting wasn't very good in concentration yet, but I could be mindful of the wandering mind.

That night's dhamma talk, Sayadaw spoke about feeling foundation of mindfulness. The topic was not as stern as the previous nights. Sayadaw shared light-hearted anecdotes. I am really grateful to Sayadaw. The last dhamma talk of my retreat was on how to note feelings during meditation- pleasant, neutral, unpleasant. These are the only kinds of feelings.
The next day, I practiced meditation.

Very soon, it's time to leave. I knocked on Sayadaw's door 4 times and waited patiently. I prostrated respectfully and mindfully to Sayadaw. I'm leaving. Somehow, Sayadaw can tell that I had meditated.
My 6-day meditation drew to a close on a Thursday noon. The outcome is that I learnt Vipassana meditation. Feeling elated, I left Santisukarama. Pleasant feeling.

But meditation does not always give pleasant or neutral feelings. Sometimes, our condition is not right. We need to accept both sides. We need to be mindful. Afterall, it is just a feeling.

This is Dhamma.

Namo Tassa Bhagavato Arahato Sammasambuddhasa

Anything that comes to mind

2008-04-12T23:46:00.002+08:00

I don't switch on the computer often at home anymore. I've had enough of it at work. And if I did, I usually spend more than planned time doing nothing really productive-like now.
There's alot of bluriness in life. And when I am more conscious, there'll be questions framed for each subject, when no, everything just zips by in the short term memory.

One subject that surfaces on and off is that of being a carnivore. More civilised, self-deceptive people would call themselves non-vegetarian.. So the question is that in Buddhism, things are destined. Anyway, it's a personal observation, too. So if everything is more or less pre-destined, then isn't it that the once-living meat on the table destined to be served as food since it should have sinned in previous life? If so, we are destined to eat it, isn't it? Then why should one be encouraged to be a vegan? Maybe this question is simpler, how about the ant that runs across the table and induced your killing instinct? Alot of trouble and guilt...

Singapore will probably lose its place in Asia in 5o years time. I believe that this country was built by the great influx of immigrant in the last 200 years with the mentality of 'make it or die' attitude. But Singaporeans nowadays are living comfortably, taking things for granted and not willing to venture. Compared to alot of young people in our neighbouring country, we have a high chance of being displaced by them. In school now, the first few classes are made up mostly of foreign pupils. They have to juggle with many of life's practicalities yet is able to study well. Their Singaporean classmates have all the comfort, but precisely because of that, they are not working hard.. This' the reason that we will lose the survival instinct. There's no need to fight.

The room is always in a mess. It can never be proper and neat. Things that perhaps could be arranged in a certain way, but not. Reasons include stinging on the proper storage, laziness to arrange, too many things, no time... All in all, there's just too little impetus and motivation to put things right..

Money is an irritating issue. No amount is enough.. no amount...

Zf is leaving for US of A for a year soon.. Great sadness.. A role model in morality and attitude.. Hai...... But I'm happy for him. In almost any way one sees it, this job will help him greatly in many areas.. Really wish him safety, health and smooth-sailing work. All the best!
For Honour And Glory

My beau will be going away on a work trip for a month. The trip falls exactly through the whole period of school holidays. So much for a school holiday.. A lonely holiday.. Even if I go on a road trip to release myself of all the stresses of everything will be nice but it will feel really strange.. that I should go on an experience without her to share with... Makes me doesn't look forward to the hols..Will it be another period of bottled up stress? *frowns and shake head*

Kel must have read my previous post. Sent a sms one morning to give encouragements. It's so sweet of her. Thanks Sis!

This is a year that I have not written about my new year resolution. And I have not made a single journal/diary entry although the road have so far have hit the bump so many times.. I'm just living the weeks.. Dread the mondays, welcome the Wednesdays, fear and glad for the Fridays, gone the Saturday Sundays... Oh where, oh where am I in life? Oh what, oh what is life?

Sleep.. sleep is never enough, never well... Too much and I get a headache, a little too little and the day becomes tiring.. There's no just nice..

The four teaching years will be an arduous journey.. If I had not been commando trained, I would convince myself I can't do it. I'll surely get a specialist and get myself diagnose with some throat or dick ailment that will get me off the teaching contract without having to compensate a single cent. But normally, only the rich are able to resort to that effectively. The poorer population are bounded by ethics and honour- stupidly..

What is one thing that can get me away from all these? Sounds like trying to run away, so what? I'm not not returning.. but I want to get away now....! maybe more 'nows' later on? It doesn't make me less of a person..

The greatest mistake of mankind is to start quarrying animals, caging them up.. Once we started doing that, we started to cage ourselves up also.. All cooped up in physical space and in the mind...

Time to return to the conscious sleep left from all the nights..

.... .... ....

Tumultous times

2008-03-29T18:07:00.002+08:00

Tumultous times, tumbled, mixed up...

Only thing that is going on well these days is things between my beau and I. School is no good, volunteer work is no good. Ok, 1 more, friends are good, too.

I've been washed up at work. Work not done properly although I have been putting in really long hours- 12 to 13 hours everyday in school. And I've been working with sincerity and real effort. I couldn't really explain why the work is not done, despite feeling that everything has been done. And so I felt very indignant when I was summoned to the row. I think it unfair- if anyone think they could do better, please take over, stop telling me what I should do. I know, too, what could be done. But if they can be done as easily as said, I would have done and implemented long ago. Do I look stupid or slow?

Kidsread is stopped. NLB gave me a call one evening and said that WRL and JRL do not want to host Kidsread any more. Period.
So, all the hope of having more literate kids have came to an end for now. 3 ways I can look at it: It's good as well that this is stopped now, then I can have more personal time and time for work, sooner or later it will have to come to an end, since I can't think of a way to create an everlasting system; look for other parties to collaborate with and plough in ever more effort to get it started again. Bottom line is, what is going on? Is it so difficult for libraries to host it? Every volunteer are busy people and we contributed our time...

This is a low in my work life. I regard studying in the past and working now as all the work life. Since they are not things any normal person would do, if not in this world. Study and work is not a choice, it's a societal expectation. Surely for basic survival, one need not study and work they way our society's people do. No matter, low it is. The first low was in pri 3 I remember. That was when I stole from my father to give to my friends, I literally distributed wealth! (but not mine) The lesson from that was that with money, people come. Cos after I was caught and caned big time, those recipients didn't neared me the way they did.

Second low was in pri 5. I was the 2nd last in class. That was a wake-up call. I was so angry with myself, I went to the backstage and broke some wooden sticks to relief that rage. I worked diligently the following term and came in a decent 20+. It was a competition to better one classmate or another from then on.

Third low was sec 1. I failed my Math in SA1. I didn't quite realise that until some time later. I slowly picked up from there to be more seious in studying.

After O levels was when I turned hateful. My father was trying to control me and had comments for 9.8 of 10 things I did. I couldn't care much after that.

Last low before this was during NS when I sustained an arm injury and got out of course. A song motivated me then: When the whistle blow, silence everywhere! And the flag goes up, in the battalion square! I want to be, Commando ah! Just like the others in the battalion square!! Oh echo, oh echo all around! Commando is on his way now!!

The current low is with 35 kids. I really don't know how to help them gain confidence in studies and help them get good results. For them, beside studies there are alot other things to be botered about. No money, separated parents, ill health, alot of complexities.. And I told myelf to help them as much as possible, go soft, go hard, give them some sense of belonging and want, at least by me..

Thinking through the history of my work low, it was always these low that provided me the push to do better. On my own, I'll tend to just slack and heck care since I'll still get by. That's my life.. I won't be the last, though I can't be the first either. So my smartness just get me through anything. Almost everything. But this time, I really just can't be bothered by the authorities- come and replace me if you are good, otherwise, shut the trap up. Notwithstanding, I am really working hard, do everything I can to try to help them. Maybe I haven't figured out the way yet, but I'm not giving up on them. They are my children.

[rap like Eminem] So all the trap-flicker, pls back out, pls back out.

Mentoring at Qihua have started. It's not easy. Mentees are not turning up and mentors without mentees are finding it a boring session. This programme is very important. It is the system that I'm trying to set up for the whole mentoring programme in Riverside and Qihua to ensure continuity. Anyone who comes in future to lead will only need to administer and seek ways to improve and need not worry about mentor supply. It is not fool-proof but it's the best I can think of now.

Everything is running up to my neck now. I'm a good swimmer and climber. No matter it be fluid or hard to come my way, I'll stay afloat.
4/8, Against All Odds!

SmileUp!

If you have 50 years of life and you can stop time, will you let it continue running this moment?

2007-12-19T15:13:00.000+08:00

My hypothesis is this:
Everyone has no choice about living because time is running. Time is running no matter what we do. Time is a function of movement and it is not our movement that matters. Everything is moving and so time is measured against everybody's movement. The planetary concept of time is not important because it counts towards nothing on the universal scale. So time is only misery for us minions on Earth who have borne a concept of it.

Life has no meaning. Buddha have realised that long ago. Everybody must realise it at some point of time. Just that even though it has no meaning, time cannot be stopped so we just move along in the wave of time, trying to satisfy our biological, and the primitive anal needs. The Roman ceasars probably realised that long ago, too. So in order to establish power and control, Christianity is developed to get everyone to believe that God directs. God on Earth shall be played by a pope and bishop figure, exploiting on the concept of love to gain universal submission. This is a blasphemy of Christianity and God but Earth has enough problems without any religionic faith so lets not be too serious.

Back to life without meaning. We go to work everyday or do other things that somehow before we know it, or dread it, darkness comes and a day is over. What is this day for? For money, for love ones? For food? Aren't they all nothing at the end of the day? And because we live, to get what we want to give our life 'meaning', a goal, we do things that causes emotional friction, happiness or sadness, just so that life doesn't seem so empty. Isn't all this a waste of time? Oh my goodness! What is this time monster, again? Just what is life for? To get a job and earn money, get married and have children, trying to match your neighbour at home, train, office with material possession. Everybody will come to an end anyway. We're just relying on each other's presence to justify our presence. Picture a person whose family and friends have all died, there's somehow no possibility of having another interaction with animate or inanimate objects. Then would you sit down and not move and let Your time freeze there and then? Is there still value in living, in that picture, or in your life now?

Waking up because there are some demand on us or we have made some demands on ourselves. Those demands have no value. Happy happy happy, sad sad sad, satisfied satisfied satisfied, disappointed disappointed disappointed. and the spectrum of emotions that define that ups and downs of one's life. Haven't we tasted each of them? How many times do you want to experience, when ever more stimulant will continually be needed to really 'feel' it the next time? Just for those feelings? What a silly game.

Everybody live on this breath either thinking they are indispensable and so they have meaning in life; or they are resigned to time since it cannot be stopped, so they just move along with the tide of time, breath after breath, day after day- helpless.

Suppose your time on Earth is a fixed 50 years and you are not helpless, you have the power to stop time. Would you set it in motion this moment? Anyway, also because death is unknown, and you have left traces on Earth that would implicate others, end of life is scary.

Time continues......

___
Thanks to Ru who have unwittingly entertained my questions and debated with me. At least now I know life IS meaningless and therefore no need to make too much of the non-meaning. Just let it pass and satisfy mine and other's needs till the end comes to put these needs and meaninglessness to rest.

SmileUp!

An unhappy world

2007-09-26T22:03:00.000+08:00

This is not a happy world. The world I'm in is not a happy one. Nobody is working towards happiness. Everybody is just trying to shun unhappiness. Nobody is happy. I remembered the happiest time of my register-able conscious life in the village of Holavanahalli, Koratagare, Tumkur, Bangalore, Karanatka, India. I realised that the world has much happiness and that I can brign happiness to people. It makes me a very fulfilled man. It was a span of 4 years that I had gotten myself involved in various voluntary works which I had the chance to give more happiness to others and myself. It had been 4 years after it that I'm in this sphere now and reflecting that I'm not in a happy world. I am not giving happiness. My class of 40 are not happy. My superiors will not be happy with the results of my class. I feel the pressure, and I'm not happy. The class is not conforming and I'm not happy. When I'm not happy, all the more my class will not be happy. The countrymen are made to buy annuities and we are not happy. The boss in work is blind to every effort except results and the worker is not happy. The worker cannot produce results and the boss is not happy. Everybody is trying to make as much money as possible and the government is trying to get more money from the people. This is a discontented world. The innocent child whom I would always look to for the hopes and beauty of the world have turned into troubles. Troubles whom I am made responsible for. Everybody is unhappy. This is a damned, unhappy world. Clubs and pubs are making money selling relief to people who seek temporary happiness. Unreal, illusioned, sensual pleasures. Flesh and skin robots working on the mantra of efficiency, involved in the process of turning the resources of this Earth and consuming the products., finding short-lived, artificial satisfaction and happiness in being able to consume that image related with the product. Nobody is happy. Whoever said that children must be seated quietly in their chair and listen attentively to be good students and then the teacher will be happy? Whoever said that everything must be in an orderly manner before one will feel happy? JUST WHAT WENT WRONG WITH THE NOTION OF HAPPINESS THAT EVERYONE HAS LOST THE INSTINCT FOR GIVING AND TAKING IT?

Comparing the environment 4 years ago and now, it is the dastardly ego of man. Man's need to feel important and the desire to control that comes with ego. Must everyone have a hand at controlling every outcome?? Don't anyone realise that everything around as are just unreal and exist only for a short time? That the well-being of the self and others are actually an illusion? Can we wake up from the disillusion that everything need not be taken so hard and that we should just work towards everyone's happiness? Before anything is said or done, can we ask ourselves if it brings happiness to people. If not, are other criteria that important to warrant the sacrifice of happiness? If the farmers who hold the vein of human race's survival recognises that everything is under the mercy of nature and that we are not in control, then can we, consumers of farmers' toil not yearn for almighty controlling power and lead a simple life of happiness?

Even the smiles are laboured.
Is there nobody to SmileUp!?

Work and Volunteering

2007-08-17T11:53:00.000+08:00

Times are getting busy.

Different obligations are entering life.

Priorities are changing.

Girlfriend, work..

There is little time and energy left for volunteering works.

Mentoring have been left aside for some time, Kidsread at JRL cannot be attended so frequently. The worry is about the future commitments to these.

Next Saturday is the ultimate convergence of these obligations. Things to do in school, cooking competition at mentoring, PPCDL practical test, prayers to my late uncle. All happening at the same time. Which to go?

The things that are happening recently are putting stress on me-work, finances, relationship. On various levels, this is roiling times. The feeling is not to succumb to but to tackle one at a time and hope for the best- which is not an ideal reaction. There's a feel that I've dwelled within my comfort zone for too long, so much so that I'm having trouble dislodging myself from it. And all the difficulties now is a reminder from the Angels to search for my quest.

Volunteering has become a part of my life. Though my passion is not on people, but my heart is with trying to better life. So how I further my volunteering cause is important to me. It brings me back to the realism of life and inspiration.

Work needs to find a tune. It's easing, but there is a level of optimality that oils the machinery. That lubrication is not yet present.

The crux is therefore, with disequilibium in other aspects of life, volunteering cannot be pursued as wished. And this is troubling, especially with the the future of the programmes uncertain.

I admire people who have managed to balance everything and still be able to have enough sleep. I don't like the need to adjust to this kind of tight schedule. I don't think life should be that way. And so, my view towards people described above is mixed - admire and despise. Hahah. Perhaps I'm still too self -centered and not able to give more of myself yet. But shouldn't the premise of life be on ease? I suppose this is a cultural issue!

Finally, I will try my best for volunteering works I do. Just let this period pass on its own. I'm not forgetting on my self-improvement. On and on, my life still have to be at ease.

SmileUp!

Breathe

2007-08-04T10:12:00.001+08:00

This is a photo of a micro-organism. There is no nerve system and it falls back to the basics of diffusion.
A teacher asked how the regions in winter gets their oxygen. The answer is undoubtedly diffusion!
Also, though cold and having lower light intensity in the seas, the algae, phtytoplanktons in water containing chlorophyll actually photosynthesize to produce Oxygen! Isn't it wonderful how the world conspires to let us take this breath presently!!! *breathe!*

The belief anchor

2007-05-24T21:28:00.000+08:00

Whenever one is at work on anything, there are always those moments when one need to consider their stance and attitude and react accordingly to the situation. Today, as will the many coming days, my beliefs cultivated from the various voluntary work was put to test in my class. Unexpectedly, the consideration of my beliefs was accompanied with much anguish.

It went like that: My class is the last of the level and discipline was totally not in place. I interacted with a few of them and know that they are mouldable. The challenge is to instill in them discipline. DISCIPLINE.
I learnt this word in secondary school. It was the mantra of the principal. It had put me in good stead. I wonder why people are side-lining it now.
So that was decided- discipline first.
Though it sounds easy, discipline is really not so simple to instill. It requires the disciplined person to act against nature. See, apes like to move around and scratch themselves and each other. It's in their nature; just as it is in us. for the human race, particular in a school, where it is decidedly conformity yet wanting to go towards individuality, there's a crash- CRASH.

First, the system has to recognise and support this order, and I will have to decide how best to carry them out.
It's difficult. Having a class that is not given to reasoning, it's hard to get them working. Ever so often within each hour, I have to remind myself about confucius' saying 教不严，师之惰。So that's my mantra. If students are not well-disciplined, it's the laze of teachers.

So, how strong is my anchor on this belief? I'm not sure. Things aren't looking up.When thinking about the children individually, I'm empathetic and wants to do my best;but when shoved a bunch of them, I just want to snap. Snap at them and snap myself. It is the whole package of things that is irk-not-just-some. At the end, it is still the anchor of belief. How firmly is it anchored?

-Tests of beliefs-
Recently, Kidsread at WRL got a few new volunteers. It was really comforting. People coming from way outside Woodlands. All of them must be having some beliefs about the programme, too, to motivate them to spend time and on the darnded SMRT. To be able anchor their belief so simply seems such a blessing to me now. It really is important.. believe, do it, defend it, fight it, to feel at ease.

What's your belief anchor?

SmileUp!

Cleaners' Day

2007-05-01T12:45:00.000+08:00

This is an idea I had haboured for some time.

Imagine a day when all the cleaners are appreciated for their 'lowly and menial' contributions to our living environment. And their gaps are filled by volunteers.

Will you still dirty the table in the coffeeshop? Will you still pee all over the toilet bowl? Will you still litter the ground? Will you smile at the Aunty and Uncle who came by your table, dragging the terrible soup of leftovers to collect the plates of the previous occupier, helping them stack the plates so that they can collect more easily and then say 'thank you' without the expression of disgust?

The world is kept in order by everyone and one large faction of them had kept the order of the physical world for us.

We should appreciate them by doing their job to show that they are important and remind ourselves of the most basics of life. Whatever riches of the world one may accumulate, no one is above the need to create for themselves physical order of their environment.

People who agrees and would like to make this happen please leave a comment. The plan is to gather movement, get volunteers, liaise with contractors to give cleaners paid leave with a simple appreciation event while volunteers do the cleaners' job for a day. This has to be done area by area. ie a hawker center a time, a school a time, a company/building a time.

SmileUp!

Efforts recognised

2007-04-29T22:51:00.000+08:00

The past two days were very rewarding. The p3 and p5 kids gave me many cards and presents. It was immensely satisfying and I interpreted it as acknowledging my teaching ability. I felt myself performing better than last year and those responses certainly affirmed me. It was all too wonderful! I felt like sharing with everyone. The next day had me recognised in both Kidsread and Mentoring. Both occasions, because of my lateness, I did not go on stage to receive my awards.

I'm glad that I did not go on stage. It's not an excuse for being my lateness. But it occurring twice, my lateness or not going on stage, reminds me to keep vanity in check. I will.

I never thought much about awards and recognition. Those are not what I volunteered my time for. All along, the things that I did was thought of as things that should be done and I enjoyed myself in the process. So, year after year, I had tried to do as much as I can. And the truth is, volunteerism isn't the highest on my priority, thus if any award is to come along, I don't really deserve them as people might think I am. Also, for some organisation, the sceptic me would sometimes think that giving awards is just the organisation's way of telling themselves that they had already done something for people who had provided free service to them. And so, very crudely, a 'PAID' can be stamped on the invoice. Regardless, I'll always just take whatever they give, I am certainly not proud to the extent of declining people's 'bestow-ment' ;)

I was pleasantly surprised and embarrassed to be named in part of the opening speech during the Kidsread event. And to top up the pleasantness immeasurably, my Dear is beside me to share the glory. For the sake of the records, though nobody who reads this would know what was described, the description of me was over-rated.

The occasion stimulated me, however. Perhaps because I felt bad for not being as wonderful as described; or the sight of the other volunteers and children inspired me. I had renewed drive to steer Kidsread towards benefiting more. I had the idea of getting mentees to read to children but it was put off, but that day, I had thought it quite feasible and beneficial to both children and teenager! Shall explore on to it!

The evening event was Riverside's 20th anniversary dinner. It is still a young school, despite being 20. But it has achieved much and built a strong identity. Like other years, we mentors are given a certificate for Friends of Riverside. The only difference this year is the symbolism of the presentation coinciding with the anniversary ceremony. The certificate wasn't the recognition for me that night. It was the mentors who were present that made the night. The boys were dressed smartly that night. Jeans and long sleeved shirts. Very presentable. In comparison, I was the one under-dressed. Jason informed me that he'll be reporting for NS on the 15 June. It is a beginning of a milestone for him. Jason's news, the round-table dinner, the way everybody tucked in to seriously whack the food for our famished stomachs, demonstrated the camaraderie forged over the years in the name of mentoring.

It was amazing hoe time flies. I can never forget the time when Sam and I was seated in the conference room thinking who to take Wee keong and Jason. Today, one of them is going for NS. And Jason said that he'll still want to come back for mentoring during hie book-out times. It speaks of what this programme can forge for young people. All with the correct amount of commitment by people!

Now on the real subject of this post. Recognising people can make recipients feel re-energised when done from the heart. People will recall the efforts made when the right significance is placed.
Some tips:
Do not line up the recipients in the hope of saving everyone's time (or is it the guest-of-honour's?) - we're not distributing rations ,
A little something should be described about the recipient - everyone has made unique contributions,
Some kind of practical stuffs should also be given with the certificate, eg vouchers, watch, etc- so that people will still recall the appreciation time after the event,
Appreciation must come not only on ceremonies, it should be given every now and then while people are on the job.

So it boils down to 2 things- personalised and sincerity. Put in the extra effort for the people you want to appreciate if you truly do.

SmileUp!

Building an enduring system

2007-04-09T21:32:00.000+08:00

The kinds of volunteer work I had been involved so far can be classified as medium-term, long-term, and short-term (ad-hoc of a day or two).

There's no difficulty at all in ad-hoc events. Only challenge for me is to blend in with all the other volunteers. Not so easy for me since I tend to be a proud and relatively introverted depending on which brother of the Gemini is at work in me.
Medium-term would be like YEP, requiring intense effort over a few months, managing team dynamics and creating learning opportunities. It is still not considered difficult since one just do his/her best at each shot with whatever life experiences one can avail to provide more insight and with tact.
It's everyone's guess that long-term works are the most testing. Long-term means the work is over years and activities are probably weekly.

Two such programme I'm involved in is Mentoring and Kidsread. They are actually the only 2 programme I'm involved in currently. What's testing is putting an enduring system into place. Somehow, and I don't know how, I'm most of the time put in a leadership position through the different phases of my life. As such it is my personal interest to study the job, duty, and desirable characteristics of a good leader. The subject today is placed under 'jobs of a leader'.

I remembered LKY mentioning one of his major duty for the rest of his time in office. That is to help put in place a system in the government that as long as right and capable people are placed in it, the administration will be able to continue serving the country no matter which political party comes to power- as long as the system is kept.

I understood what he meant. And I think only the most outstanding leader can achieve that. It is not as simple as having a CEO who can boost bottom line and make strategic investments for future earnings. No. This CEO will have to build a running system in the management that will ensure self-renewal of capable players and continual steady performances by the team. I don't know a person who could and had done that yet. Heroes soar high in their time. The successor is seldom heard of, the successors... no, successors are not relevant, because the empire had fallen.

Back to the 2 programmes. Mentoring and Kidsread, like all voluntary programmes, faces the uphill task of getting good and sufficient volunteers. In mentoring, more than half the mentors will be joining the workforce or gong to NS, a gaping void will be left. Who am I going to find to fill?If no one comes, how are we going to perform the manpower management stunt?
And for Kidsread, how am I going to ensure a continual stream of volunteers year after year? And how am I going to encourage volunteers to stay?

As long as a good system is not in place, both programmes will run the yearly risk of zero volunteer intake and with veteran volunteers having to leave sooner or later, the programme itself is in danger of stopping.

Unfortunately, no feasible solution has struck me yet. I'll continually think about this...

Nevertheless,

SmileUp!

Money

2007-03-25T18:55:00.000+08:00

I don't know what money is. I think I'm relatively loaded compared to peers my age. I don't know how I had slowly accumulated them. What use is money? This seems a questions that would not only irritate a lot of people but also damned by those who can't even afford a decent meal.

I have a lot of big dreams for which money can fulfill them. I'm a land person, so I don't want a house in the air- although at the highest floor, I can overlook everything and everyone; the feeling of on top. But still, I am a land person, I want a small garden, a small field, to lead a farmer's morning, an investor's late morning, a volunteer's afternoon, my Dad and Mum, wife and children's, and sometimes friend's night. There is no need for too much, so any extras can be given away in meaningful ways.

But land is an expensive commodity. Then perhaps, and likely, my wife, children will want to ask for expensive gadgets and styles. I like them, too. Can be seen as leading an expensive and sophisticated life, then I can feel proud and sneer at the neighbours who don't have. Atas mia! Personal gratification. Then I'll start to use my mornings studying more charts, afternoons with employer or employee, evenings with business associates. More money might start to flow in. Instead of worrying if the rain will come for my little field of crops, I'll start to worry about the micro and macro markets, cashflow, bills, debts.

At the present rate, in no more than 3 years time, I'll surely be worth more than 100k. I'm proud of it, because every cent was the result of my own effort. Even if they were from equities, it is the result of my risk-taking, research and time spent in monitoring. If she comes along, it is almost time to get married and to buy a flat. Preferably one like my current one, 2 3-rooms combined so that 2 rooms can be rented out for added cashflow to pay the instalments. Meanwhile, I'll foray into business and properties and start a new game altogether with children coming into the picture. Till when will I achieve Kiyosaki's idea of retirement and be able to live on my land?

Every now and then, I'll ask myself whether I should continue to accumulate or lead an un-restrained lifestyle. What really is money? Money really hasn't much meaning for me. Money has not much use for me if there isn't a her, the children, the other's betterment, the land. My Father worked for every cent ever since my Grandfather passed on when he was just 7. From a frugal childhood, both him and me, to a current more comfortable life, we'd gotten quite used. Give us more money and we'll still have to think how to spend it. Our first notion would probably be to save it up first. So, money?

Just how much do everyone wants? Why do you want so much/little?
The ruralites are often poor because nature is not theirs to control and so they smile with their hearts because that's all they ever have; the urbanites smile for money, for which the rich might flick a little on for the service or to get into people's favour. See, money and smiles really have and have no relationship.

The meaning of money...

SmileUp! everyone,
SmileUp!

Smile

2007-03-25T18:21:00.000+08:00

SmileUp!

SmileUp!

The mysteriousness of the curving lip. The shape of which it curls. Some smile from the heart, some smile as a matter of customary, some smile for personal ends. I'd read somewhere that to see if a person is sincerely smiling, cover the lower face and the eyes will tell.

SmileUp!

My first fascination with the smile started in India. Alot of people who have been to India told me people either love or hate it. I have mixed feelings. My love for it is in the rural areas; I have no place for the urban or suburban, it does not have a place for me, too. I saw the smiles of the children in Holavanahalli, that of the teachers, the people whom we visited their homes, the smiles are genuine with humility and sincere from the heart. In comparison, no matter how the urbanites smile, you can feel the deceit. Could it be my prejudice? Maybe. But I would just smile back if I feel like being polite and after that I'll resume my expression. That's the effect of their smile.

SmileUp!

Nowadays in Singapore, the government is encouraging everyone to go the extra mile. What other propaganda can there be? Anyway, to do that, everyone should smile first to let the customer feel welcomed and attended to. A constructed smile. Don't let smiles become a commodity.

SmileUp!

My previous post of love. The manifestation of love must include smiles. There is almost undoubted truth of this saying that you don't possess anything in the world except love. Therefore smiles are all you can show for! Forget the Brooks Brothers shirts, LV, Gucci bags, and whatever shoes, nobody can look complete without the lovely smile.

SmileUp!

Smiles are infectious. In the above example of the deceitful smile, there's a chance of smiling back. In the example of the Holavanahallian-inspired smile, I came back and resolved on maintaining a smile. Not because I want put on a smile, but I hope I can infect people to smile with me.

SmileUp!

Every morning, no matter how tough the going gets, a smile brightens the day. It becomes a habit. There's surely something of everything that one can smile about; even if it's taking a cynical view of things.

SmileUp!

Some times, people ask me what I've smiling for/at. I always replied, 'Smile lo, happy ma!' or, 'Hm? What expression to have if not smile?' *Smiles*

SmileUp!

Smiles are infectious. Smiles are influential. I remembered now that the impact of its influence struck me so much so as to believe in it, leading eventually to Inspirafluenza. Today is a good day. Perhaps the banging of the car yesterday is indeed a symbolic event. Another project shall be initiated for year-end 2007.

SmileUp!

In the course of this smiling post, I'd heard my calling again. I don't know how many readers I have. But let me have your ideas and time. Let's try infecting people around us with smiles again. Come! Smile together! *Smiles*

SmileUp!

Love

2007-03-01T15:38:00.000+08:00

Love.
It's a complex issue and statement. The teenager tries to understand it, the young adult tries to find it, I can't comment on the rest. What is love?
I asked a person what love is, and he says 2 points which I understood them only as motivated by the self and the 3rd point is respect. Is love selfish or should it be selfless? People caught in circumstances would kill themselves and others to answer the question. Is love just a feeling? I attended my friends wedding some tie ago and the pastor tried to preach about love. I couldn't recall the exact points, but I do remember that love is more than just feelings. Jesus talked about love and that his is selfless love; Buddha didn't quite talk about love, at least not mundane love, but 大爱 . That love is also selfless. How to love without asking for return, and even let go? Let go, my friend. Don't be sad, because you are really only sad at the lost of your attachment. It'll come back for you, if it's a love of union. Don't give up hope on love, because love will surely return, it is the person who might not be the same. Yet don't give up hope on the person as well, for you truly love and so shall also keep faith in the person. This is selfless love, I'm learning. Come what may.

Love and volunteerism is also related. Because all of us volunteers are learning how to give selfless love.

What i think love is now:
I don't know how to explain it, I only know how I can manifest it. That's my greatest love.

Cherish

2007-03-01T15:12:00.000+08:00

Today's post is on the topic of cherish.

I'd known cherish from a dear friend and all my friends and family have helped me to understand it. To learn cherish when you are losing something is easy, but to know it in the passing of everyday calls for some attention to the people and things around you. If you are going home from work or school today, having lunch, going for a jog/game of football, drinking and sharing your problems with someone, look into the eyes of the person and thank them. There are millions of reasons why they might be at the same place and same time doing the same thing as you, but what is also same is that somehow, both/this group of you are together at the moment. Whatever have caused it? I don't know, you don't know. Both might be working in the same company, assigned to the same task, but why, why the both you? Came together and made each other's day more bearable, happier; even if it's more frustrating, more irritating, they certainly are company. What more can you ask for in life? No matter what, you won't, can't hate that person, because there surely isn't really anything in the world that calls for great hate; resentment, yes. And so, the times spent together should be cherished. All the more so, if they are great friends, loved ones. Of the billions of people in the world, the one that appears in front of you at the moment is that person. Cherish him/her. Not because you may lose him/her in the next moment, if you cherish him/her for that reason, then you are only appreciating him/her because you may be sad the next moment and so not want to regret later.
Please cherish because of the very miracle and fact that you have been brought together for/in this moment. It is an unexplainable magic, people might call fate or fortune. Cherish. Cherish people who have crossed your life as a companion, friend, love ones- and appreciate and love them as one.

Today, I cherish the miracle that you'd come to read this blog.

Cherish is related to volunteerism. The kid whom you read to, mentors, the fellow volunteers, how in the word did all these people come to congregate? They could have been anybody else, or there could be nobody at all. Suddenly, there's no one around you doing the same thing you do, speaking the same subject you speak of, but no, they are just right there around you. And so we continue to cherish the moment somehow created to serve.

WRL Kidsread

2007-02-28T23:40:00.000+08:00

It started today!

After a few months not reading to kids, it's refreshing to see the wonder in their faces again! It's quite addictive. They'll look at the book with anticipation and you play with your voice to add suspense and moods, and their expression changes accordingly, wahahah, fun!

The new batch of kids are lively and there's at least a few who are more outspoken, it's great! This year should be promising, given the more number of volunteers and better organisation now.
spoke to the parents before starting the session, punctuality, effort put in by volunteers, but i forgot about the library card. Need to ask them to apply a library card for their child. Then they won't have excuse to not borrow books for their children!

Most surprising is the visit by 2 ladies who are also interested in joining the club! Wow! I could have sprayed red paint on walls and big posters to get ppl 's attention in NIE yet i still might not be able to get much volunteers. They just turned up! I'm sure they'll like it very much.

WRL is all set to go for one more meaningful year! Go go go!!

SmileUp!

Volunteering Kidsread

2007-02-01T20:55:00.000+08:00

I realised that something important was left out. That is what was learnt from Kidsread.

I'll relate in terms of how I'll do it differently this year. On the first session, I'll explain to parents the purpose of this program and what is expected of them. Got to make sure that they know the readers are volunteer so that they will be duely appreciated. Have to let them understand the importance of English and how the cultivation of reading interests will help their child go a long way. Finally, I'll urge all of them to sign all the children up for library membership, so that there won't be the nonsense of no library cards therefore don't borrow book anymore. Important.
For WRL, we'll open the door this time. Open-concept, so that parents can see what was being done; how their child are enjoying the program; how to emulate the readers if they want to. Doubly important!

With more volunteers this time, children will be grouped into 4s or 5s and have 2/3 fixed volunteers to them. Volunteers feel attached to the child, and vice versa. Everybody will be more engaged and have more personal attention both ways. Everyone will then look forward to the sessions.

Books have to be interesting. That's the staple of the program. Mrs Aw did a great selection of books for the program. I will need to supplement the range with more. And, more asian stories. Support asian writers.

There need to be active feedback to readers on their reading style. I found that it's hard to feedback directly, cos comments ususally don't come very pleasantly. So either the culture shall be set from the onset; or if not possible, a videocam would be most helpful! Readers have to keep asking questions about the book, any questions. Model the thought process by thinking aloud-verbalising their own thought. This encourages children tremendously in responding to the story.
First we want them to enjoy to be receptive of reading; second, to be able to read a little; third, to keep talking in the English language.

These, I shall work towards in the coming read-year.

Volunteering for Kidsread

2007-02-01T13:22:00.000+08:00

I'm about to start my rhetoric again.
The benefits of Kidsread.

The period is here for recruitment of new volunteers. To date, over 30 people have responded to my appeal on the student portal for volunteers and I'm truly heartened. Only about 10 peeps responded last year. So this year, there's a chance for a 3rd group of children.

Singaporeans/people in general are 贱. I say this because they don't like free things, or they are suspicious of it. As such, volunteers' participation aside, parental support is another problem. We will need to have them understand the importance of English in education. And to acquire the language, the most basic skill is to be able to read and ENJOY reading. So, yes. That's our aim. To promote the interest of reading by being interesting readers, creating the safe environment for them to enjoy and play and interact in English.

It seems that I'd done some complaining up there, but I'm stating them as facts that I see. The truth is, the children and volunteers all had much fun last year. I can see from the faces every session that they enjoyed coming to read to children, look forward to come for their little child. We see it as a temporary escape from work and a chance for the child inside us to emerge. This is an opportunity that is really rare. And you get the chance to praise the children, tell them they are good, keep it up, and they really become more into the task you'd set them. Everybody enjoyed thoroughly. And everybody gets something out of it.

So I hope the program will go on and on. I hope volunteers will come again and again. I hope parents will also begin to read to their children by and by.

Btw, WRL will start from 28 Feb, Wednesdays 745-845pm; JRL from 20 Apr, Fridays 730-830pm. Let me know your interest!
SmileUp!

Contemplation

2007-01-17T11:11:00.000+08:00

I'm using contemplate this time, instead of reflect. The latter has been over-used. People gets tired when asked to reflect. Institution uses it so often now that it's become a chore to many, erasing its supposedly pure form. Human always succeed in trampling the flower.

The topic of contemplation here is about relationships. Relationship with your environment and people. It's inspired by my girlfriend currently on an exchange programme.

I find the crux of contemplation apt in Confucius' teaching.
I take the quote out of context: 三人行，必有我师. Literally, when three people walk together, there must be one who will be my teacher.

This is how we contemplate and learn from one another.

I did something similar before, let's try it again. For those who are interested, join me.
List 10 or more friends and write what we have learnt from them.

jt- cherishing the people and present; having the courage to break away
zu- self-less giving; faith in giving and taking
lian- going beyond customary aid and care
hru- the OL mentality and determination
lan- balancing different aspects of life and finding relief when it calls for
wchang- detailed and encouraging
rl- sensitive and clear-headed in resolving issues to their causes
zs- to endear whole-heartedly and listening in
kly- holding to the ground and attentive to individual
dd- resolved and single-minded
mm- having interest to the people and surrounding; maintaining harmony

Volunteering for your cause

2006-11-22T10:34:00.000+08:00

I may be still limited in the types of volunteer work people may find themself committed in; let's see, Children, Young people, 'Strayed' people, Old people, Dying people (chants and last wishes), animals, environment, what else? Of course within those sets are many more subsets that can really be quite unimaginable.

On a sideline, India has the highest number of NGO/NPO in the world, not sure whether it is in absolute of per capita terms, but it's amazing. Ask a normal guy on the street who they admire, at least 7 will say Gandhi. The question itself isincredible. Can you imagine yourself being asked on the street by a stranger: who doyou admire? Huh? What for I admire anyone, is the correct answer God/Jesus/ Prophet Muhammad/Buddha?? Oh no. No one thinks of such questions isn't it? My YEP team mate was asked by a 12 year old girl in the village of Hollavanahalli in Kotaragare in Bangalore, India. Wth...
If you have not read the implication, it is your beliefs and values.

So, we know that we find ourselves sometimes more concerned for children, animals, elderly, but besides just noting the number of occurrence in being concerned, how do we know if that is really the 'field' that we would be interested in? The proposition that I would like to put across is that your experiences could be a factor. Freudian``... I do think there's a connection. Anyway, the irony is, you most likely won't know if your cause is really for you if you have not given time for it.

Yet for most 'first-time' ('' because every volunteer should relive the mentality of a first-time once in a while) volunteers, the cause might not be so important; the company is. So the cause now becomes your friend! Interesting and not so nobly noble now, is it?.. Hey hey, but that's a good cause, and an important one, too!

padfoot remarked that I inspired him in the previous comment; fact is, he inspires me, too! That's how it is, your cause for volunteering is not too far away.

Motivation - Inspiration

2006-11-08T08:47:00.000+08:00

This imbalance of terminology popped into my head this morning, making me inclined to share. This two terms seem similar. I am motivated to go for Kidsread; I am inspired to go for Kidsread. It's obvious that inspiration is the 'stronger' verb. How different exactly?

This example might be apt.
i) There's a soccer ball, and I identified a goal post, so I want to kick the ball into the post.
ii) There's a soccer ball at my feet, I'd seen star players kicking the ball into the post, so I believe I can kick the ball into the post, too.
The source of motivation arise from the gap between the reality of the soccer ball at the feet and the 'hope' of the ball in the post.
The source of inspiration arise from the believe of being able to perform as others have.

The difference is in the initiatial perception. Inspiration demands actions that arise from the spark of an event, person, or idea, often followed by a strong sense of belief. Motivation is more self-construed.

A volunteer will need alot of inspiration. Not a single explosive kind, but continuous sparkles of firework to last as long as it is able to keep the volunteer at work. This is the hard part- when the days are dry, a committed volunteer will have to find his/her own source of inspiration. The simple things of smile, peers complimenting each other... Unfortunately, if one tries to wait for inspiration to drop from the sky, then volunteering is mostly a thankless job. Not to be discouraged, most things in life are thankless anyway. So a volunteer learn to actively search for signs of thanks. really..

Motivation: A psychological concept with no single universally accepted definition, but which organisational sociologists aver concerns the determinants of intent, effort and tenacity, factors that push or pull us as individuals to behave in a particular manner.

Inspiration:

a product of your creative thinking and work; "he had little respect for the inspirations of other artists"; "after years of work his brainchild was a tangible reality"

a sudden intuition as part of solving a problem

divine guidance: (theology) a special influence of a divinity on the minds of human beings; "they believe that the books of Scripture were written under divine guidance"

arousing to a particular emotion or action

inhalation: the act of inhaling; the drawing in of air (or other gases) as in breathing

Well, seems like the dictionary definitaion and derivations of these two words wasn't the same as what I had conceived them to be..
But I guess this is part of the learning process of a volunteer's day..

On a last note, people not only need motivation, they need inspiration. Few will be able to keep on motivating themselves, almost all will need encouragements and sparkles.

This came to my mind about our PM and those in high-post public service. I wonder if any journalist have asked them why they wanted to serve the country. And, being Lee no. 2, criticisms are flaring in the country, this certainly is not good encouragement. But then again, I'm only interested in observing politics..

Inspire you and you will inspire me! SmileUp!

Managing new volunteers... Mentoring

2006-11-05T19:28:00.000+08:00

Doris had just updated us that 25 sec 4 graduates had given their names to volunteer for mentoring. This piece of news is highly invigorating in this season of assignments. Even if half of them eventually commited, 25 people's life could be touched because each of them will have a mentee. I'm proud because I had spoke to the sec 4s on the stage on their graduation day. (Probably my public speaking (/convincement) skills have improved? Hahahahah)

The challenge now is to present to them the mission of mentoring intimately and inspire them to be involved. I tried and experienced personally a few ways to relate to issues. Logically, affectively, infectively. I hoped the classification is fair. My definition of infectively is in the 'demonstrating by example' sense; it is passive as opposed to affectively, where a conscious effort was made to consider the audience' state of mind and appeal accordingly. Logically would of course be using the logic approach, explained simply by 'if there's good to be done; why should you not be involved?'

Thinking back now, I'd used all 3 approaches in all works i'd done..
In YEP vietnam, I would classify my approach as more infectvely (though I prob failed to infect very much); in Kidsread, the strategy was guided by logic, in the talk to the sec 4s recently, it was affective, cos i related myself to their graduation mood.

Being very Singaporean, very economist-ic, I would be inclined to propose employing the 3 approaches concurrently in any work, but... (can't name them off-hand now, time for dinner too.. Commentors any contribution?)... it really doesn't work that way, simply because any work comes from the heart, that feeling is the guiding lamp, the faith. Therefore as much as one might like to apply the systematic approaches of management, the spirit will seem to become lost and just feel something is not right. Take it from the heart.

Smoking, puff puff!! song....?

2006-11-02T22:19:00.000+08:00

Yea..
I don't know if giving a try at smoking had been a right thing to do. My first was a cigarello, in India, Romeo y Julieta. Cool right?

I saw one of my mentee smoking today. I was in the car waiting for the red light. They were crossing the road and saw me, he brought the cig to his mouth to suck anyway. It obviously was his way of showing me he smokes.

I cant really fault him, I'm a smoker sometimes too. Don't think I can be classified closet smoker, cos i don't do it in the wraps. Cigar was ok, but cig maeks u choke on the first try. But cigar kinda make me quite sick now. It's too strong. I still savour the first few puffs nonetheless.

Well, I said I'm unsure if I'd been right to start cos cig really is the fastest substance to 'calm' u down, by getting you high. a kind of anti-depressant, wad do we expect.. And during times of extremes stress, or relief, it's a great delivery method..
Something's wrong actually. cos by using drugs like cig, it's actually degrading your human status. C'mon, you mean there's fresh air out there, exercises, ppl to talk to, which all can help to relief stress or enhance pleasure, but one would rather depend on a drug??! That's second-class humans! Personally, I'm more disgusted by the fact that getting hooked represents a weak mind! WEAK!
~ ( C'mon, don't talk as if you are a saint..)

No matter, I don't think it's a crime to smoke, it's a personal choice. The health effects are well-known; the psychological bearing is less thought and discussed; I can't think of any moral issues involved here..
Implication for my voluntary work, mentoring in this case, is the provision of the above information to the young minds.

I envision a session where a guest-smoker-speaker is invited to share his experience of first puff; subsequent effects on him; decision to continue smoking. Then, mentees can ask questions, have a lively discussion of smoking; debating why one should/ should not smoke. Importantly is to have a pro-active inquiry into smoking.

I believe smoking is a choice. Of cos i'm not addicted, so I can't be sure, but I have smoked over very short periods and I know I can control. There are some withdrawal symptoms defintely, but that's when I know I have the control. To give in is to be weak! Second -class!

Little pig, little pig, let me in.. or
I'll huff and I'll puff & I'll blow you house in.

Space creation in train

2006-10-29T22:56:00.000+08:00

So yeah,
trains and buses are sickening places to be early in the mornings and in the evenings.. What's worse, SMRT and SBSTransit are for profit, that means they would love their utilities to be packed rather than smart planning of time to ease the crowd. (179 riders, it saves you 20c taking the bus from the first stop instead of from the terminal. 23% savings- 50 times more than your bank interest rate)

Time on trains and buses are good time. I plan my day when I regain conscious from my slumber in bed, one of the times to slot in activities is travelling times. Don't belittle those times, it's about an hour for most of us, mind you. So yup, carry a pocket notebook, jot down things that come to your mind.

I love doing those 'gedankan' problem solving exercises. That's lots of them man.. for work or conceived from observation of fellow riders..

The essentially precious thing about times during travelling is this- there's no disturbance. If you need to think about an essay topic, you can consider all necessary aspects; if you are thinking about a project, you can crystallise the system-building factors; best is, if you are tired, just sleep!
(1 Feb 07) An addition about reading on the move. Do not think that the mind is loaded enough from things at work and so need to rest/ have no more space to upload more ficiton/non-fiction. I would like to believe that the mind on the the job is relaxing when another part of it is used to read. So there's no conflict at all. The brain is not more tired. Unless, one is physiologically tired, then sleep! I have no solution to prevent drooling.

What prompted me to make this post is the very fact that a number of the projects I initiated or is involved are borne during train/bus trips. Kidsread was conceived one morning on my way to school; idea of this blog on my way back; and numerous ideas for other projects also during travel times.

Choonjit told me that he does not feel the urge to go overseas, that he does not sense any major difference in or out of Singapore. I venture to propose that perhaps he is able to find those interesting inspirations/stimulations from daily routines. That's something really valuable.

SmileUp!

Why, I'm also blogging now!

2006-10-26T18:52:00.000+08:00

I've never quite understood why people are taking to blogs nowadays, sharing their personal thoughts and secrets.. whatever happened to diaries??

Hey hey! But now I'm blogging too! Yay heheh.. I'm feeling quite excited actually. I found a reason why I should join in this blogging game. Nope, nothing personal to share! Just thoughts and perspectives after quite a number of voluntary work I got myself involved into. I could have just write them down in my journal, but then one difficulty I always face when I try to start a project is getting volunteers. So, perhaps some people will start reading my blog and learn something and even start to volunteer their time! Heheheh

Looking back, I got involved in quite a number of things know.. Mentoring, YEPs, camps, Kidsread, ECO (eco-house).. shouldn't waste these experience..

The next few posts will be talking about these stuffs..

But next up, travelling.. not overseas.. but on trains and buses