End of another mentoring year

It has been many years in mentoring.
From being a mentor to being a teacher-in-charge of the programme, there is many to learn.
As a mentor, it is really just quite simple. To turn up every Saturday and to think of some games once in a while, and then to learn how to engage with the mentees.
As a teacher-in-charge, there are preparatory work, there need to be interactions with the mentors as well as the mentees. Most importantly, on top of all the work that need to be done, there must be much much more metta (loving-kindness, or goodwill), much much more karuna (compassion). It is no more about affecting and inspiring only the mentees, it is about the mentors as well. Trying to develop their global outlook of life towards others, setting a good example for them to emulate so that the programme truly develops everyone!

And this year, I believe I have been quite successful in doing these.

Each Saturday, I would go for the sessions with goodwill, with compassion, with sympathetic joy. And with these thoughts, I guess my actions and speech follow, and the mentors and mentees can feel it. As such, everybody is at ease with each other, caring for each other, striving for each other. In the end, everybody is happy. This outcome is the most important for all voluntary work. This way, everybody will continue to look forward towards making the future of the programme.

By these meritorious thoughts and deeds,
May all be well, happy and peaceful.

Opening the mind

A trip and an intense November-December makes me realise again why and how I came about with wanting to do more for people and environment. It's the nature. When you see the plains and fields, the heart opens. When your horizon is not blocked by the wall, your heart opens, when the wind blows on your hair and the dust settles on your face, it opens your heart. So the world is not just about you, them, and I. It's about us and all of us. A circle that everyone is drawing and must draw. And so we help each other to be more clear-minded, to be more mindful of ourselves and beyond. With that, we reflect on our daily activities and re-think their purpose.
So we do our bit for others, not so that we may gain; but so that they may also gain. Then it makes our existence more meaningful and truthful.

Life and metta

It's been a long time...
And there's an unfinished draft. It's October now, and it's more than half over. So many things happened between the last post and now. Incredible lot.

Work, relationship, family..
There's always a bugging question that once in a few years will come up: What is the meaning of life?
You see, without knowing the answer to this question, there is no purpose in everyday that we wake up. It also implies that the things we do are done for nothing. No matter how important we can rate it, it's just alright to not have, not done. For a long time, it's my dream that I shall retreat into nature, farm will be good, and do things for the community. Perhaps my life hasn't had times when I had to struggle to fill my stomach, so I can't appreciate the importance of securing the stomach factor. But many people nowadays don't struggle to fill the stomach. They want to fill the pockets that have no known depths, the mind that has no quiet space, the senses that have no mindfulness of the present. Inadvertantly, all of us, including I, start to live that life that the society have collectively entrenched on our conciousness. Must have a job to have an income, have to climb the social ladder, have to have a gf and then wife, children, have to have self satisfaction/fulfillment, have to have ambitions (not dreams, goals also not good enough), have to play alot, have to travel to see the many different scenes and taste their food, etc etc..
I'm in the society, living other's expectations. But I'm different, as with everybody tries to, too. I will do things differently. I'm a skeptic, I'm a hiong kah. As far as possible, I don't care what people think of me as long as what I do is logical and gets to the same destination. But it's not easy.. because, to participate in this society, one have to be subjected to its scrutiny and checks and tongues. Tongues, especially, are the worst.

But I think the bottom line, no matter what, is that we should know that kamma will return, that's the order of nature. If the mind is firm and honourable, let not the currents of our cranial juices disrupt our traquility and peace. That would be suffering through the mind door.

May I be free from enmity;
May I be free from mental suffering;
May I be free from physical suffering;
May I take care of myself happily.

May my parents, relatives, friends, teachers, guardian angel, all beings,
May they be free from enmity;
May all they be free from mental suffering;
May all they be free from physical suffering;
May all take care of themselves happily.

Wish everyone a happy and peaceful sleep.

Mindfulness

I did a glance back at my previous posts and saw Ru's comments about my disgruntlement of meaningless life. But now I'm quite happy that I had them. I'm at least still mindful of them.

The last school holiday was spent very meaningfully. There's the CFA exam, swim trainings, and the meditation retreat.

It's been a long long time since I did something as intense as the CFA exam offers, 3+3 hours of exam. The kind of concentration required! Oh my god, even failing, to be able to finish it gave a great sense of satisfaction! It's great! I'm sure I can pass level 1 and on to 2 and 3 eventually!

Meditation retreat is the highlight of June 2008. On Vesak Day, Darling's Dad brought us to Santisukarama at Kota Tinggi. Events followed that Sayadaw U Rajinda will be holding a meditation retreat there from 19 June. Sayadaw U Rajinda was the one who instructed Brandon, Zf, Raymond, and me on Vipassana meditation more than 2 years ago at KMSPKS. This is really fate, that all the years that I wanted to be a samanera was never realised; but a place I've never been will be the place my fate with Sayadaw will cross again. No, I did not become a samanera, but a yogi to practice Vipassana meditation.

I feel inclined to relate my 6-day experience so that everybody will be able to understand my elation and have a chance of benefitting.

My prior proper experience of meditation was 儒家静坐. That was based on qigong. It was not that difficult to keep the mind concentrated on the acupoints and shift my focus, hence the ‘气’, from one acupoint to another. In contrast, I didn't really understand Vipassana even though we had the weekly sometimes irregularly attended classes at KMS.



In the retreat, I spent the first 2 days trying to 'note' during meditation by controlling my movements, eg. noting 'left'= move left leg; noting 'right'= move right leg. It was all very controlled and I felt like a robot. In order to be as 'mindful' as possible, I examined the mechanics of how our legs step forward and how we maintain our balance. I broke down the 1 full step to a few classification and started 'noting', or actually ordering, my legs to move. After a while, I can do that quite fast. Somehow I know I'm wrong, this can't be what meditation should be like. It's not aligned to any principle of meditation I know, although I had no idea how to do vipassana meditation properly. The meditation alternated between walking and sitting. When sitting, one should note the rising and falling of the abdomen. I could do that very well all along too, watching the dan tian. But, like my walking, I'm actually ordering/commanding the rising and falling. There was no peace of mind. I felt perturbed. To make things worse, there's a pain at my back everytime I started to sit. So bad, noting it was futile, let alone noting it away. That prevented me from sitting straight and kept needing to bend. So I cannot 'walk' properly, neither can I 'sit' properly to note. Very bad.



While I'm doing all these 'meditation', I'm surprised at the volunteers' care for us. Food will be prepared, we just had to eat and we don't even have to clear up the table, much less wash the plates. And the food was aplenty! Good, tasty food! I'm really surprised. In the evening, Sayadaw would say that doing Vipassana meditation is meritorious, and that we should also try to be mindful in our movements during daily activties.

- I totally don't understand-

How can sitting down and meditating be an act of merit? And now we should even try to be mindful in our daily acticities. I think we are not deserving of the food kindly served to us. At one point, when the bell sounded for food, I lamented. I have to suck on Earth's resources again.. without any contribution..

I thanked the people who dana our food, the aunties who prepared the wonderful food to lay the whole table, the people who transported the food, the people who invented the machines to process the food, the farmers, the plants, the animals who allowed us their body for sustenance. As a poster put it, the whole universe came together to support our sustenance. O, how great is the spoonful of food! I try to be mindful in chewing and swallowing. But come my meditation, I know I have wasted their efforts and the spoonful of good food.



I told Sayadaw about the pain during the first interview, he asked me to try. I did so for another 2 days. Frustrations started to brew. I totally don't get it, yet I should try to understand and practice it! Everybody is doing it. In my frustration, I wonder how many of the fellow yogis really meditate mindfully and diligently. People seems to be moving slowly just because everybody else were.



I went up to the dhamma hall and sat facing the buddha. I thought through my whole experience with meditation and why I wanted to be there for meditation. Every evening, the Sayadaw would say that only through meditation can one see the realities and attain nibhana. I thought to myself, I don't want any nibhana, I just want to meditate peacefully and seek the clarity of mind I used to have.



Later, I went downstairs and sat down to try meditating again. It was the same gradual bending of back and I couldn't sense the rising and falling of abdomen properly. Sitting cross-legged, my body was bent, head dropped, half asleep in my wandering mind state.

Ah.. this the is the 3rd session of drafting this post. Yes, I didn't understand nibhana, and I'm not meditating to attain nibhana. But then, I didn't know what I'm meditating for, anyway. So I went up to the dhamma hall on the Tuesday afternoon and prostrated myself in front of the Buddha. My mind was not in a clear state, so I tried to clear the clouds and willed myself to think back to all my experience associated with meditation. I decided that the aim of this meditation trip shall be to regain the focus that I had in my younger age. I remembered Zf telling me that after Inspirafluenza, he felt that he was able to concentrate his mind better. I understands what he meant, but I couldn't find that experience for myself to achieve the same. I some times wonder how people can focus themselves so intensely, so much so that they can handle so much work within the same 24hours. I can't. So it was, I went down to the meditation hall to try to condense my concentration. I sat down straight away, forgoing the walking. The pain at the back came on again, slowly, I lost track of my breathing, back arched, I'm nowhere. Neither sleeping nor awake, just nowhere. Suddenly, the rising and falling of my abdomen came very strongly, very strongly. I regained my consciousness and began to focus on it. I directed this focus on the pain at my back. I examined the pain, as the sensation rises with my inhale and falls with my exhales. It reduced, but never away. Soon, and finally, my leg became numb. It was a feeling not had in the past few days. I never sat till the onset of numbness.It was easy to 'note' the numbness away. It rose and fell. Then I realaised. Everything is just rising and falling. Everything. Things rise, things fall; thoughts rise, thoughts fall. Nothing more, nothing less. It is just a matter of taking different lengths of time to rise and fall. And so it is.

The thought of the sitting meditation ending has arisen, and so it manifests. As soon as it manifests, the thought falls, for it has completed it's effect. The thought of thanking the Buddha arose, and three respectful prostrations were made. Next, the sensation of thirst, and as soon as the mouth touched water, the sensation of thirst falls. It is the same observation, all the way to and back from the toilet. I was very happy. I contemplated going to see Sayadaw to tell him about it, but I thought I'll save it for the next day,w hen we'll have the interview. I continued to observe this phenomenon, appreciating it. Some time after, this observation faded away. There's no way, nor need to force it to lengthen. It is Buddha's compassion and way of letting me understand nature. The pain in my back did not go away as night falls. I sat in the dhamma hall again, awaiting Sayadaw's dhamma talk and chanting to transfer our merits. It was a rewarding day and I retreated into the room.

The next morning, I began with enthusiasm to replicate the previous day's experience. With alot of effort, my mind could not calm down. I still did not know how to do walking meditation, the pain still haggers.Breakfast was quite an agony as my frustration grew. Again I'm sucking on Earth's resources while being noble about it. Everybody is trying to be mindful and I doubt again if half of them really are, or just slowing down in an act, annealing to the prevailing social norm.

The time came for the interview. I have not decided what to tell the Sayadaw when he gently ask 'How's your meditation?' I decided that I shall just report my experience as it is. When it came to my turn, my emotions swelled up. I started to choke on my words as I described the pain on my back and inability to sit straight.The lying down on the floor to ease off the pain, but it never goes away. The observation of the rising and falling but not again comes the next day. Sayadaw watched me as his face also crumpled up, as if following my frustration and agony. After a pause of 30 seconds, he spoke, 'Relax your minnd. Try to sit upright, but no need to be very stiff. Relax.' As if his words were carried by the breeze, the breeze sat me upright but took the pain away.As if magically, I could now sit upright, not the stiffness that I was trying to sit myself. And my mind opened up. No more shrouded in frustation.I felt relieved. I guess the other yogis in the room must have felt quite stunned, but I'm grateful that I spoke my experience as it was. There was finally some peace.

Yogis are not supposed to talk, we had to observe noble silence. But there were two uncles who were quite 'talkative'. They had invited me to join them over evening juice the previous day. One of them said, as we walked down from the dhamma hall, 'Oh, new one, don't worry. Come, we'll have a talk after lunch. I'll explain some Dhamma to you. I'll tell you the difference between Mahayanan and Theravadan. See you at the Sima hall later'. I had asked the difference the previous day. He had a really cheerful disposition. I thanked him. It started to rain.

I still did not know how to do walking meditation, but I guess it is really time to relax my mind, so walked up and down the corridor, not knowing how to 'walk', but I walked my own pace.

Aftger lunch, the fellow yogi uncle suggested that we talk in my room instead, since it's raining. I stayed in a separate room from the rest. The room is usually reserved for bikkhus, but Sister Sam let me have it. The rest sleeps on the floor in the other room, me on a bed. I realised that the 'highness' of resting place is accorded to practioner of different seniority. I've been greatly flattered. The uncle introduced that since we got to know each other through Buddhism, we shall be known as dhamma friends. He gave a brief history of Buddhism and the spread of it through time and land. As time passes, two broad sects appeared. Practices in the Northen region of Asia- China, Japan, Korea largely practises the Mahayanan; while the South- Burma, Thailand largely practices the Theravadan (also called 'the way of the elders'). Mahayanan is influenced more greatly by Confucianism and politics; while Theravadan practises Buddhism more in accordance to the teachings instructed by the Buddha to his disciples. Mahayanan focuses more on chanting; Theravadan on meditation to attain nibhana. According to the Buddha, all of us are in Samsara, cycling in the 6 realms in sufferings. The Buddha realises through deep meditation that the only way out of Samsara is to practice the noble eightfold path so that we can realise the four noble truth and attain nibhana.In order to gain the realisation of the four noble truth, Buddha says that the only way is to practice meditation. He also explained the four levels of sainthood- 7 returner, 1 returner, and so forth.

Everything makes sense to me now. To practice meditation in a retreat is a great merit. And people who assist or dana bikkhus and yogis are also creating very wholesome karma. Indeed, to be or assist others in the path towards nibhana is a wholesome deed. Together with the Dhamma uncle's explanation the day before about past kamma affecting our affinity with Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha in our present lifetime, I realised that this is a time to make full use of and to cherish to practice meditation.It is not in conflict with my thought that I don't wish to attain nibhana. I have my parents, I have my love ones whom I do not want to renounce. But I can still practice meditation and work towards nibhana, because I can practice to be a 7-returner or 1-returner. My other lives will take care of itself when the time is ripe. With these, my mind is at ease as the questions are answered. I asked Dhamma uncle how to note the rising and falling of abdomen. He demonstrated his observation of the rising and falling as he is talking to me. It is an observation.

The only question left is how to do walking meditation.

That afternoon, during juice time, the other Dhamma uncle tried to explain walking meditation to me, after seeing me walking my own pace. He tried to explain walking mindfully this way: Imagine my baby is sleeping very soundly in the room and the floor makes creaky noises when one walks upon them. In order not to wake my baby up, I'll have to walk mindfully to minimise the noise. I see.. 'So should I control my walking?' 'You shouldn't control, you observe, but you also have to control abit, so that you will slow down enough to 'note'.' Ah, I fully understood now.

After juice, I applied myself to walking meditation, lengthening the periods, practicing patience and effort, concentration, mindfully. The noble eightfold path makes sense to me now. From 1 step to 2-step, 3-step, 4-step, even 5-step walking meditation. Every step of the walk is very clear to me as I noted them. Then standing meditation, sitting meditation. Sitting wasn't very good in concentration yet, but I could be mindful of the wandering mind.

That night's dhamma talk, Sayadaw spoke about feeling foundation of mindfulness. The topic was not as stern as the previous nights. Sayadaw shared light-hearted anecdotes. I am really grateful to Sayadaw. The last dhamma talk of my retreat was on how to note feelings during meditation- pleasant, neutral, unpleasant. These are the only kinds of feelings.
The next day, I practiced meditation.

Very soon, it's time to leave. I knocked on Sayadaw's door 4 times and waited patiently. I prostrated respectfully and mindfully to Sayadaw. I'm leaving. Somehow, Sayadaw can tell that I had meditated.
My 6-day meditation drew to a close on a Thursday noon. The outcome is that I learnt Vipassana meditation. Feeling elated, I left Santisukarama. Pleasant feeling.

But meditation does not always give pleasant or neutral feelings. Sometimes, our condition is not right. We need to accept both sides. We need to be mindful. Afterall, it is just a feeling.

This is Dhamma.

Namo Tassa Bhagavato Arahato Sammasambuddhasa

Anything that comes to mind

I don't switch on the computer often at home anymore. I've had enough of it at work. And if I did, I usually spend more than planned time doing nothing really productive-like now.
There's alot of bluriness in life. And when I am more conscious, there'll be questions framed for each subject, when no, everything just zips by in the short term memory.

One subject that surfaces on and off is that of being a carnivore. More civilised, self-deceptive people would call themselves non-vegetarian.. So the question is that in Buddhism, things are destined. Anyway, it's a personal observation, too. So if everything is more or less pre-destined, then isn't it that the once-living meat on the table destined to be served as food since it should have sinned in previous life? If so, we are destined to eat it, isn't it? Then why should one be encouraged to be a vegan? Maybe this question is simpler, how about the ant that runs across the table and induced your killing instinct? Alot of trouble and guilt...


Singapore will probably lose its place in Asia in 5o years time. I believe that this country was built by the great influx of immigrant in the last 200 years with the mentality of 'make it or die' attitude. But Singaporeans nowadays are living comfortably, taking things for granted and not willing to venture. Compared to alot of young people in our neighbouring country, we have a high chance of being displaced by them. In school now, the first few classes are made up mostly of foreign pupils. They have to juggle with many of life's practicalities yet is able to study well. Their Singaporean classmates have all the comfort, but precisely because of that, they are not working hard.. This' the reason that we will lose the survival instinct. There's no need to fight.


The room is always in a mess. It can never be proper and neat. Things that perhaps could be arranged in a certain way, but not. Reasons include stinging on the proper storage, laziness to arrange, too many things, no time... All in all, there's just too little impetus and motivation to put things right..


Money is an irritating issue. No amount is enough.. no amount...


Zf is leaving for US of A for a year soon.. Great sadness.. A role model in morality and attitude.. Hai...... But I'm happy for him. In almost any way one sees it, this job will help him greatly in many areas.. Really wish him safety, health and smooth-sailing work. All the best!
For Honour And Glory


My beau will be going away on a work trip for a month. The trip falls exactly through the whole period of school holidays. So much for a school holiday.. A lonely holiday.. Even if I go on a road trip to release myself of all the stresses of everything will be nice but it will feel really strange.. that I should go on an experience without her to share with... Makes me doesn't look forward to the hols..Will it be another period of bottled up stress? *frowns and shake head*


Kel must have read my previous post. Sent a sms one morning to give encouragements. It's so sweet of her. Thanks Sis!


This is a year that I have not written about my new year resolution. And I have not made a single journal/diary entry although the road have so far have hit the bump so many times.. I'm just living the weeks.. Dread the mondays, welcome the Wednesdays, fear and glad for the Fridays, gone the Saturday Sundays... Oh where, oh where am I in life? Oh what, oh what is life?


Sleep.. sleep is never enough, never well... Too much and I get a headache, a little too little and the day becomes tiring.. There's no just nice..


The four teaching years will be an arduous journey.. If I had not been commando trained, I would convince myself I can't do it. I'll surely get a specialist and get myself diagnose with some throat or dick ailment that will get me off the teaching contract without having to compensate a single cent. But normally, only the rich are able to resort to that effectively. The poorer population are bounded by ethics and honour- stupidly..



What is one thing that can get me away from all these? Sounds like trying to run away, so what? I'm not not returning.. but I want to get away now....! maybe more 'nows' later on? It doesn't make me less of a person..


The greatest mistake of mankind is to start quarrying animals, caging them up.. Once we started doing that, we started to cage ourselves up also.. All cooped up in physical space and in the mind...


Time to return to the conscious sleep left from all the nights..


.... .... ....

Tumultous times

Tumultous times, tumbled, mixed up...

Only thing that is going on well these days is things between my beau and I. School is no good, volunteer work is no good. Ok, 1 more, friends are good, too.

I've been washed up at work. Work not done properly although I have been putting in really long hours- 12 to 13 hours everyday in school. And I've been working with sincerity and real effort. I couldn't really explain why the work is not done, despite feeling that everything has been done. And so I felt very indignant when I was summoned to the row. I think it unfair- if anyone think they could do better, please take over, stop telling me what I should do. I know, too, what could be done. But if they can be done as easily as said, I would have done and implemented long ago. Do I look stupid or slow?

Kidsread is stopped. NLB gave me a call one evening and said that WRL and JRL do not want to host Kidsread any more. Period.
So, all the hope of having more literate kids have came to an end for now. 3 ways I can look at it: It's good as well that this is stopped now, then I can have more personal time and time for work, sooner or later it will have to come to an end, since I can't think of a way to create an everlasting system; look for other parties to collaborate with and plough in ever more effort to get it started again. Bottom line is, what is going on? Is it so difficult for libraries to host it? Every volunteer are busy people and we contributed our time...

This is a low in my work life. I regard studying in the past and working now as all the work life. Since they are not things any normal person would do, if not in this world. Study and work is not a choice, it's a societal expectation. Surely for basic survival, one need not study and work they way our society's people do. No matter, low it is. The first low was in pri 3 I remember. That was when I stole from my father to give to my friends, I literally distributed wealth! (but not mine) The lesson from that was that with money, people come. Cos after I was caught and caned big time, those recipients didn't neared me the way they did.

Second low was in pri 5. I was the 2nd last in class. That was a wake-up call. I was so angry with myself, I went to the backstage and broke some wooden sticks to relief that rage. I worked diligently the following term and came in a decent 20+. It was a competition to better one classmate or another from then on.

Third low was sec 1. I failed my Math in SA1. I didn't quite realise that until some time later. I slowly picked up from there to be more seious in studying.

After O levels was when I turned hateful. My father was trying to control me and had comments for 9.8 of 10 things I did. I couldn't care much after that.

Last low before this was during NS when I sustained an arm injury and got out of course. A song motivated me then: When the whistle blow, silence everywhere! And the flag goes up, in the battalion square! I want to be, Commando ah! Just like the others in the battalion square!! Oh echo, oh echo all around! Commando is on his way now!!

The current low is with 35 kids. I really don't know how to help them gain confidence in studies and help them get good results. For them, beside studies there are alot other things to be botered about. No money, separated parents, ill health, alot of complexities.. And I told myelf to help them as much as possible, go soft, go hard, give them some sense of belonging and want, at least by me..

Thinking through the history of my work low, it was always these low that provided me the push to do better. On my own, I'll tend to just slack and heck care since I'll still get by. That's my life.. I won't be the last, though I can't be the first either. So my smartness just get me through anything. Almost everything. But this time, I really just can't be bothered by the authorities- come and replace me if you are good, otherwise, shut the trap up. Notwithstanding, I am really working hard, do everything I can to try to help them. Maybe I haven't figured out the way yet, but I'm not giving up on them. They are my children.

[rap like Eminem] So all the trap-flicker, pls back out, pls back out.

Mentoring at Qihua have started. It's not easy. Mentees are not turning up and mentors without mentees are finding it a boring session. This programme is very important. It is the system that I'm trying to set up for the whole mentoring programme in Riverside and Qihua to ensure continuity. Anyone who comes in future to lead will only need to administer and seek ways to improve and need not worry about mentor supply. It is not fool-proof but it's the best I can think of now.

Everything is running up to my neck now. I'm a good swimmer and climber. No matter it be fluid or hard to come my way, I'll stay afloat.
4/8, Against All Odds!

SmileUp!

If you have 50 years of life and you can stop time, will you let it continue running this moment?

My hypothesis is this:
Everyone has no choice about living because time is running. Time is running no matter what we do. Time is a function of movement and it is not our movement that matters. Everything is moving and so time is measured against everybody's movement. The planetary concept of time is not important because it counts towards nothing on the universal scale. So time is only misery for us minions on Earth who have borne a concept of it.

Life has no meaning. Buddha have realised that long ago. Everybody must realise it at some point of time. Just that even though it has no meaning, time cannot be stopped so we just move along in the wave of time, trying to satisfy our biological, and the primitive anal needs. The Roman ceasars probably realised that long ago, too. So in order to establish power and control, Christianity is developed to get everyone to believe that God directs. God on Earth shall be played by a pope and bishop figure, exploiting on the concept of love to gain universal submission. This is a blasphemy of Christianity and God but Earth has enough problems without any religionic faith so lets not be too serious.

Back to life without meaning. We go to work everyday or do other things that somehow before we know it, or dread it, darkness comes and a day is over. What is this day for? For money, for love ones? For food? Aren't they all nothing at the end of the day? And because we live, to get what we want to give our life 'meaning', a goal, we do things that causes emotional friction, happiness or sadness, just so that life doesn't seem so empty. Isn't all this a waste of time? Oh my goodness! What is this time monster, again? Just what is life for? To get a job and earn money, get married and have children, trying to match your neighbour at home, train, office with material possession. Everybody will come to an end anyway. We're just relying on each other's presence to justify our presence. Picture a person whose family and friends have all died, there's somehow no possibility of having another interaction with animate or inanimate objects. Then would you sit down and not move and let Your time freeze there and then? Is there still value in living, in that picture, or in your life now?

Waking up because there are some demand on us or we have made some demands on ourselves. Those demands have no value. Happy happy happy, sad sad sad, satisfied satisfied satisfied, disappointed disappointed disappointed. and the spectrum of emotions that define that ups and downs of one's life. Haven't we tasted each of them? How many times do you want to experience, when ever more stimulant will continually be needed to really 'feel' it the next time? Just for those feelings? What a silly game.

Everybody live on this breath either thinking they are indispensable and so they have meaning in life; or they are resigned to time since it cannot be stopped, so they just move along with the tide of time, breath after breath, day after day- helpless.


Suppose your time on Earth is a fixed 50 years and you are not helpless, you have the power to stop time. Would you set it in motion this moment? Anyway, also because death is unknown, and you have left traces on Earth that would implicate others, end of life is scary.



Time continues......

___
Thanks to Ru who have unwittingly entertained my questions and debated with me. At least now I know life IS meaningless and therefore no need to make too much of the non-meaning. Just let it pass and satisfy mine and other's needs till the end comes to put these needs and meaninglessness to rest.

SmileUp!